You're doing it all wrong

As we search further for more instruments and technologies of note, we have come across some blunders. The first, seen in the following video, is really just a lame way of reinventing the wheel. Or, in this case, the synthesizer. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Beamz:



I actually do have a larger objection to Beamz beyond its terrible promotional video, and I will get back to that shortly.

I've also come across something that really pisses me off. This isn't just a bad video (although what you're about to see is almost unwatchable, and is NOT a parody), but it's the entire principle behind it. Take a look for yourself;



Part of what we're trying to do with H+ is make music creation more accessible and intuitive. But we still want the creative process to be solely in the hands of the people with ideas. This program, Microsoft Songsmith, teaches young people that the best way to make music is to let other people do it for you. And that, to me, is a problem. There have been great artists who never wrote a single line of their own material, such as Frank Sinatra. But he always had talented songwriters working on music, most of it tailored directly to him. Now we have a revolving door of singers who don't stay in the limelight unless they do something outrageous and embarrassing (see: Britney Spears). This program is pretty much the dumbed-down version of what happens at a Britney Spears session. The person with no talent (in this case, it literally could be you!) is molly-coddled and led to think they're actually contributing. Meanwhile, their voice is manipulated and placed against generic backing tracks. Throw in some annoying lyrics and you've got a hit single.

Now, let me jump back to Beamz for a minute. If you watch the video, the people "playing" the beams aren't really hitting notes. They're simply breaking the beams for either short or long amounts of time. The instrument plays back a pre-recorded loop that is independent of the person. This is different from a synthesizer. where the player at least has to understand basic notes and scales.

What's the connection? Neither Beamz nor Microsoft Songsmith actually require any knowledge of music. Worse, they don't promote an understanding of music. Instead, they offer an easy, albeit awful sounding, way out of the problem of having no musical talent. Instead of becoming skilled, you simply let machines do the work for you. That's not what H+ is about. We want music creation to be accessible to more people, but at some point you have to meet traditional music methods halfway, just so you can know what you're doing. I can promise you that someone using Beamz and Songsmith could never come up with anything as catchy as "Wild Thing," let alone anything as groundbreaking as Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band or Daydream Nation. It's hard to imagine, but someone using these tools may not even be able to come up with something as good as the latest disposable Britney Spears single. And that's truly scary.

P.S. I actually do want to get a Beamz and replace all the pre-recorded sounds with found sounds of glass breaking, babies crying, tires screeching, etc. It may be no better than loading those sounds into a synth, but I feel like the comedic effect of playing them on "Beamz" may be worth it.

P.P.S. Someone quickly pounced on Songsmith's claims by taking David Lee Roth's vocal track from the Van Halen classic of "Running With The Devil" and putting it through the program. The result, dubbed "Running With The Songsmith," can be heard here: http://music.metafilter.com/2943/Runnin-With-The-Songsmith It's actually worse than I would have thought.